Congested optimism.... (and why the camera never lies)

Along with his boundless energy, never ending curiosity and flawless skin, there is one more thing about my son that I am deeply envious of, and that is his ability to sleep through illness.

When he first displayed signs of a cold around a week ago, I knew it was only a matter of time before a dreaded sore throat took hold of me and sent me into a sniffling nosedive. And so here I am, box of tissues by my side, tapping away on my laptop at some unearthly hour on a Sunday morning.

Of course, tossing and turning, wrestling with the duvet and sneezing and spluttering for a couple of hours is the perfect recipe for yet another soul-searching "why me?" kind of post, but having already deleted one from yesterday for being too obscure, I am determined that this shall be clear, concise and to the point.

That's the intention; I feel sure the end result may not match it, but here goes nothing...

I've talked a few times about Patricia, my psychic friend, who has imparted to me much wisdom and cause for reflection over the years. Whether you believe in all things mystical or not, Patricia has the capability to decipher and decode an emotionally confusing mess, particularly those which concern the opposite sex. She has a clear mind and an all seeing talent that cuts through swathes of histrionic wreckage in a manner that instantly clarifies your thinking.

When she delivered my yearly astrological reading on my birthday earlier this year, there were two aspects that made an immediate impression. One was that it was gong to be a difficult year for me financially, and the second was that I would not hesitate to cut away anything that wasn't beneficial. My heart sank at the financial comment, but having realised just a few minutes ago that I have a little over two months left to my next reading, I feel sure that I can limp to the finishing line.

The second "de-cluttering" observation has come to pass also, although not without a disorienting moment or two. I still maintain that relationships and circumstances should be given the time and opportunity to develop and flourish, with some reasonable timeframes agreed upfront. Sometimes you just have to hold on to your belief when something feels right.

There is, I believe, a lot to be said for optimism. Frequently these days you hear the term "cautious optimism" which to me is like saying "a little bit hot" or "sort of sweet". Either it is or it isn't; don't stick a precursor in there as a get-out clause. Commit or don't bother at all.

It puts me in mind of people who say "I want to keep my options open". Oh, really? In that case would you please go and join the camp over there marked "no courage of our convictions".

So, hopefully, that has cleared up the small point of being optimistic. I am so. Not slightly or cautiously, but totally. The basis for such being that most days I don't see how things could get much worse....perhaps that qualifies as "inverted pessimism" or "retrograde despair". It helps me to maintain the perverse streak of humour running through my being, as I am sure you will have noticed.

I have already alluded to being a big believer in fate, but I now realise that, even if you sit at home with your front door well and truly bolted, it will come and find you. Fate will, as it were, come knocking.

Take Randy the angel for instance, who appeared at my front door back in October. And yesterday another significant meeting took place on my doorstep, this time in the form of Steve the photographer, who came to capture images of my family and I at the behest of a woman's magazine in which we are to appear.

I don't think it can be mere coincidence that I know and have known quite a few photographers over the years. Two of my very good friends are photographers and I enjoyed a brief but passionate dalliance with another some time ago. I have effortlessly networked and worked alongside a number of others over the years; it must be down to similarly creative and enquiring minds.

There is something about the photographic image which I think surpasses any other medium, other than perhaps painting, which I suppose you could argue was the predecessor of photography.

When the lens opens for the briefest moment, it comes and takes a part of you away to be stored for posterity. Even silly little snaps taken on your mobile phone are little records of time, emotion, feeling.....proof of the moment, proof that it existed and that you didn't dream it. And then the lens shuts as quickly as it opened and it's taken you away.

Steve arranged us in poses that exemplified the piece that the photos are to accompany, namely familial, supportive stances. I am surprised to hear myself say that some of them felt strange and uncomfortable, namely the ones where I stood flanked by my parents who each would have a hand on my arm. It doesn't read oddly, so I'm not at all sure why it felt that way....We were never an overly demonstrative family but we had our moments, so it is a little puzzling.

There is an honesty about a photograph, and I would hazard a guess that is why I've never had a problem having the camera pointed at me. I don't feel I've anything to hide and I'm quite happy to be judged on the resulting image, especially if it's taken by Steve with a most impressive range of cameras, lenses and supporting capability to airbrush and touch-up back at base.

I suppose that this piece gives rise to the question are we regarded for what we say or how we look? That is one of the reasons I love to write because I know we live in an image-driven society, a society that I admit to being a fully paid-up member of. Writing allows people to look into your soul and see the parts that the camera can't reach.

Very occasionally I scare myself with my openness; I worry that someone may take advantage by adopting a false persona that will irresistibly appeal to me. It's not difficult to draw up a list of do's and don'ts when someone is an open book.

I have no doubt that I have been and will be taken advantage of, but I know the fact that I've never deceived or coerced to get what I want will see me as the better person when all comes to pass.

Truth, openness and honesty will never be regrets of mine, about that I am very optimistic. And I will soon have the photos to prove it.