How to not get over your ex and annoy your friends..pt 1

So much for hard words and the beating of my chest in fierce condemnation of anything that related to him. So much for parading around like some latter day version of Boadicea, laughing at the mere mention of his name.

There must have been some potent planetary alignment going on yesterday because I woke feeling that the day would see events unfold that would take me on to the next chapter (or perhaps back to the previous one, depending on your viewpoint)

I decided mid afternoon that his actions needed to be answered for; he needed to account for his appalling conduct. Simply "losing motivation" in a relationship that showed such promised made no sense; explanations were in order. Me slinking off into the shadows was letting him off the hook.

To be fair, it would not be the first time this has happened. Very early on in our relationship (I'm talking days rather than months in..) I was alerted to the fact that he was still fishing around on a dating website. He was caught red-handed and held his hands up straight away. I was hurt, but certain friends counselled that really it was too early to expect exclusivity. Maybe it was me rushing the process?

We agreed a few days later to see each other. He came to pick me up and, having not even pulled away from the top of my road and in a very contrite and humble fashion, he stopped the car, took my hand, looked at me and said "I've been an idiot. Please forgive me." I asked him to never hurt me like that again; he agreed he would not.

We later picked over the bones of what had happened. He threw a few comments in like "I don't know why I do this" and "I'm a mess". A better person than me would have heard the alarm bells ringing at this stage, but not me. I admired his honesty and the fact that he had laid himself at my feet, asking for mercy. I felt all-powerful. The notion that he had tried to sabotage our relationship because he sensed that it was potentially bigger than anything he had witnessed gave me a sense of smugness. Perhaps a warped kind of smugness, in retrospect.

So, this time we had moved a fair way down the road and it was altogether a more complex and dour scenario that faced me. But I remembered that boyish pleading in his eyes from before.

I sent him a text message at 16.53hrs saying simply "we need to talk". The first communication in 10 days. Within 3 minutes he phoned me; this was game on.

In the meantime I spoke to Adrian, Natalie and Sue, all of whom offered very different advice...

Adrian- "Make a list of all his wrongs, coldly communicate them to him, then ask him what he intends to do to put it right. Then walk away"

Natalie- "I don't even know why you are giving this guy headroom. Forget him. Don't even waste oxygen speaking to the low life"

Sue- "Oh honey, I know how much he meant to you. Talk to him but take care of yourself emotionally"

What does a girl do? I need clarity and certainty, but what I'm getting is mixed messages because that's what I'm giving out....

He called later. I start off very curt. I don't want to discuss this on the phone, he is cagey about when he's going to be back in the country. He asks me to tell him what it's about, I give him the outline, but nicely and with the venom removed. He says he thinks Monday would be a good day; Tuesday he is in court for doing 101mph on the motorway, he thinks he will get a ban. We end the conversation by him jokingly asking me if I fancy being his chauffeur for a few weeks.

The man has no shame, and I fear that I have no common sense.
relationships