How to get over your ex, pt. one.......

The thing that has always astounded me when I've broken up with someone is how I veer from spewing venom at the mere mention of his name one moment to sending semi-optimistic texts the next in the hope that he will respond with a message that says "I'm the most stupid man in world; forgive me....take me back, I beg you..."

That was where I found myself, fairly and squarely, a few days ago. I had been in regular contact with my friend Adrian, who happened to be in a fairly similar situation with his lady. We were propping each other up emotionally as friends do, providing much needed validation to each other, a critically important service to offer your friends at their darkest relationship hour.

Although I kind of despised Duz for how he had treated me, i.e. with Disdain (note the all-telling capital D), there was a part of me that was desperate to hear from him and to pick up where we left off (albeit picking up in a fairly remote wasteland of relationship backdrop).

I missed him, I missed his voice, I missed seeing his name flash up on my phone, I missed not talking to my friends about him in glowing terms. What we had was now just smoking embers; it was finished. And I was hurting.

Under normal circumstances, and had I been still in Berkshire, I would have hit the town with my girls. We would have consumed ridiculous amounts of alcohol and almost certainly made fools of ourselves with boys who would have labelled us "Mrs Robinson" in later years. I would have woken the next day with a monumental hangover, yet still smiling at the previous evening's antics. Possibly the girls would have exchanged text messages congratulating each other on surpassing ourselves in terms of our outraged-ness.

And then in the cold light of the afternoon, I would have realised that nothing had actually changed. I was still alone, and to cap it all, I was probably about a hundred quid lighter.

That was then, this is now.

During one of our chats that possibly started with me pleading with Adrian to help me get out of my Duz-induced hangover, he said simply "write a list".

"A list of what?" I cautiously enquire.

"A list of all his qualities/faults that, in a perfect world, you would not choose in a partner. And then keep it to hand to read at the time you feel yourself faltering"

Hmmm. Interesting concept, I thought. Interesting in that I knew there were a few things that I had chosen to ignore (as you do when you fancy someone rotten)

So I set about writing my list. Cup of coffee, comfortable chair and a slight feeling of concern that there may not be that many things on the final list that would serve to strengthen my resolve at my hour of need.

I need not have worried. My pen almost took on a life of it's own.

I stopped, as a mark of respect to the brief relationship I had enjoyed.......perhaps that should have been "endured" having read the list.

Since then I have not felt one split-second of desire to contact him; the thought of seeing his name flash on my phone has a lesser affect. I mean, when all is said and done, making quips about my height may not be that bad, but couple it with his tendency to ignore me for days on end, well that simply becomes a deal-breaker.

I believe I may well have laid his memory to rest, thanks to Adrian's list.

relationships